Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
