hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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