Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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