hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize