When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
