she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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