People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
