So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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