I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
