I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
