I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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