So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
