So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
