I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Randomize
