Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize