Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
