Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
