you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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