anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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