I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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