i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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