She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
