at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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