Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
