Please, let me fuck your mom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
how does that bad decision feel?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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