Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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