Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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