So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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