I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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