Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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