Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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