Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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