This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
