either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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