Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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