ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
