That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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