ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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