My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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