I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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