I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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