Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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