You really coming over, don't trick.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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