I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
