I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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