shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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