I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So apparently I’m into choking now
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