I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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