Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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