well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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