just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
