his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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