Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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