I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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