First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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