Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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