How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
