I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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