Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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