We're facebook friends in real life
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
