Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
