Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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